Tangled Web

Deceptions of a transgender guy

City


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Illusion

I love illusions. From the David Copperfield extravagant stage kind, to simple optical illusions in pictures. Maybe because I want to cling to my child-self wonder of the real existence of magic. Continue reading

City skyline at night


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Looking for America

“I don’t know how to be a girl. And I sure don’t know how to be a boy. And after thirty-seven years of trying to be male and over eight years of trying to be female, I’ve come to the conclusion that neither is really worth all the trouble. And it made me think. A lot of people think it is worth the trouble. And that made me think. Why? Why do people think it’s worth all that trouble to be a man? Why do people think it’s worth all that trouble to be a woman? … I want to say tell me! Tell me what it’s like!” ~ Gender Outlaw by Kate Bornstein (1994 edition).

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Dead end road sign


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Conundrum

what if i had cancer? i ask
will you let me have chemo?
yes, she says
why? i ask
because i don’t want to lose you

i am trans. i have dysphoria, i say
will you let me take T?
no, she says
why not? i ask
because i don’t want to lose you

but you can go ahead and take it, she says
and then? I ask
you will lose me

Lady Midnight


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Lady Midnight

“I came by myself to a very crowded place;
I was looking for someone who had lines in her face.
I found her there but she was past all concern;
I asked her to hold me, I said, “Lady, unfold me,”
but she scorned me and she told me
I was dead and I could never return.”
~ Leonard Cohen

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Man silhouette


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Faceless

B and I sat in the dark and drizzle, watching the homeless wake up where they were sleeping on the sidewalk in corners between shops. Wearing all their clothes against the cold of the winter night, they roll up their ragged coverings into a single bag that contains all their earthly possessions, folding up the cardboard that serves as mattress and start another senseless day. Continue reading