Tangled Web

Deceptions of a transgender guy

Alligator eggs

Walking on eggs

13 Comments

About once every 28 days or so, I walk on eggs. Very fragile, raw, squashable eggs. Figuratively speaking. And partners of a woman who is about to shed, will know what I am talking about. Shed?

Yeah, shed. Has a period. Flow. Or any other euphemistic word you prefer to substitute for this … uhm, potentially deadly stage leading up to their menstrual cycle. Deadly for the person who just happens to be around – most often the dearly beloved partner, who during this time, is everything but dearly beloved – unless used in an eulogy. If you make just one wrong move or utter one open-to-interpretation sentence – SQUASH! go those eggs and you are left mopping up your own blood.

As I have mentioned in another post, Madam is quite docile and gentle – 99% of the time. The other 1% is during that infamous period camouflaged behind the innocent acronym PMS. Besides the obvious meaning of this acronym, Pre-Menstrual Syndrome, abbreviations.com list 108 variant meanings, some of which are very apt (when you are the receiver of the wrath). I especially like:  PMS-for-men

  • Punish Men Severely
  • Permissible Man Slaughter
  • Potential Murder Suspect
  • Pack My Stuff (or, I’ll pack your stuff!)
  • Pig Meat Sandwich (what she’s going to make out of me!)
  • Pardon My Screaming
  • Petrify My Spouse (my personal favourite)
  • Pass My Shotgun

Now Madam likes to watch the blood and gore channels on TV – those Crime and Investigating type of programmes – the gorier, the better (Deadly Wives and Snapped, come to mind).  See why I listed Potential Murder Suspect and Pass My Shotgun?! So I tread lightly, very lightly, around her at these times.

Yes, I went through PMS as well, including its older cousin, menopause, but I can’t remember memorable mood swings – selective or aging memory perhaps! And I endured these female periods of life, as I did not have other option at the time, being clueless about being transgender. I think the fact that the word “men” is embedded in these words, made it just that particle to endure. (Yes, I know the origins of the words menstrual and menopause have nothing to do with men, but allow me this indulgence, please? 😀 )

What I do remember, are the hot flushes and night sweats. Argghh! Luckily they are a thing of the past, but B is 47+ and nearing / in perimenopause, which means she goes to bed with the fan going full speed, while I shiver under three blankets and in my winter’s pj’s. We are in for a rough time…

But I keep shtum and think of that shotgun…

Pooch on cushions

   Pooch sleeps through any War and Peace.

PS. The title of this post had no pun intended, but now in hindsight I see the relevance of eggs. Blame my trans brain.
PPS. I might have slightly exaggerated. But only slightly. Ask Pooch. Oh, she’s asleep.

Notes:

  • A French physician,de Gardanne, first coined the word menopause when he published his book, “De la ménopause, ou de l’âge critique des femmes” in 1821.
  • “One of the most thoroughgoing analyses of primitive mythology ever undertaken was that of the French anthropologist Claude Lévi-Strauss, who concluded that, taken together, the indigenous myths of North and South America expressed men’s worry that, unless women’s periods were carefully monitored and synchronised, the universe might descend into chaos.” – Wikipedia (cited from: Lévi-Strauss, C. 1978. The Origin of Table Manners. Introduction to a Science of Mythology 3. London: Cape) (The origin of table manners??? How curious that they arrived at women’s periods!)

 

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Author: Kris

Hi! I'm Kris. I live in South Africa with my life partner of 27+ years, whom I call B or Madam in my posts. We have a Pug dog child, Remi, also known as Pooch, who has graced and enriched our lives for the past 12 years.

13 thoughts on “Walking on eggs

  1. Pooch has the right idea. 🙂

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  2. Just having had to go through shark week again after a blessed few years of Implanon Bliss, I can totally relate to both of you. In my case it’s not really PMS but the accompanying migraines that turn me and my wheelchair (basically a block of metal on wheels) into a lethal weapon. Can’t wait to get on T and then hopefully be rid of that shite.
    Meanwhile, may I suggest you get yourself a wheelchair? Just so you won’t feel so vulnerable anymore when your love’s hormones are playing up… 😉

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    • Oi, I know about migraines, Liam, I get them too. I might just follow through on your suggestion of a wheelchair – then I’m prepared for when my old legs finally give up on me, they have been threatening for a while already.

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      • Oh man, I’m sorry you’re having trouble with your legs. It can be a real pain when you’re unable to walk anymore. I think I miss the ability to run most. But then I focus on the things I can do now, and the wheelchair “tricks” I want to learn, and things don’t feel so bad anymore.

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  3. I empathize with both with you and B. I remember well my own horrible mood swings brought on by the monthly monster. I became the meanest person on the planet. So glad that is over!!

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