Tangled Web

Deceptions of a transgender guy

Salvador Dalí. (Spanish, 1904-1989). The Persistence of Memory. 1931.

False self


To amuse myself at a recent boring meeting that lasted 4 hours, I started counting the number of times one of the people at the meeting used the word “I” or “me.” The total came to 84 – and I missed some while I was making notes.

I have started to avoid this colleague, as I do not know how to deal with narcissists. But this avoidance is not always practical and I turned to my friend Google for advice. (Meh! – looking back at what I just wrote, all the “I”s jump out at me!)

Among the zillions of results, I found a YouTube video that looked promising – How To Outsmart A Narcissist The Right Way”. As the presenter’s accent is challenging to my already hearing impaired ears and there is no transcript, I turned on the auto-generated subtitles. Subtitles have been a big help with some training videos in the past, but this time it felt like being stuck in quicksand!

Follow (if you can) with me:

Asus as to when you are in the trenches with a narcissist absolutely you’d left out and you know you’ll have to wait and you’d like to bake them because we can push it…

… he’s the nicest of a coisa monasteries eat this incredibly insecurity if you get the app ahead…

… to defeat a nice assist what he’s an asset announces he’s a False Self…

Say what? I had to smile at all the attempts to capture the word narcissist: “Asus, NASA’s,  nasa sis, nice assist…” Instead of trying to untangle this gibberish, I read the comments. One of the viewers (obviously hearing-abled) commented:

Striking back at one of those guys is a waste of time plus they love it. They love rolling in the mud and dragging you down in there with them. “Beating” them is like getting into a fight with a pile of poop. Why even bother? How do you beat a pile of poop? You see it for what it is and get it away from it. That’s how.

OK. That about sums it up and reinforces my past behaviour, as well as labeling them such that I can have some inner amusement at next encountering them: “Pile of poop.”

Another comment on a different video:

Identifying a narcissist is very simple: what are your feelings after encountering [such] a person? Do you feel relaxed, energized, happy, informed, welcomed etc afterwards? Or do you feel exhausted, depleted, irritated, patronized, belittled, confused or generally compromised in some way?

Uhm, yes, all of the last sentence.  I quote from the blog post, “The Narcissist’s False Self” from the (inactive?) blog Healing from Narcissistic Abuse:

First, you have to realize:  they have no empathy and no remorse.  None.  Zilch.  Zero.   So what do you appeal to?  You don’t.


I found myself nodding along to the listed items in the post, Things Narcissists Do. Oh, yeah! I recognize, this, and this, and this…

I quote but a few:

  • They are intolerant of others’ views and unaware of others’ needs.
  • They insist on being the center of attention.
  • They feel no compassion when you are distressed, upset, sad or in pain.
  • Their world starts and stops with “me, myself and I”.
  • No matter how much goodness you show to them, no matter how much of your time, effort, love, empathy, understanding, communication you show, it is never enough.

Amen again.

That’s why I will keep avoiding them. Luckily I can, as they are a colleague and not a friend, partner or family.

What do people do when they cannot just walk away? I count my blessing.

NoteNarcissus (mythology)

Narcissus by Caravaggio


Author: Kris

Hi! I'm Kris. I live in South Africa with my life partner of 27+ years, whom I call B or Madam in my posts. We have a Pug dog child, Remi, also known as Pooch, who has graced and enriched our lives for the past 12 years.

8 thoughts on “False self

  1. Yep, walk away and avoid them if at all possible. You can’t fix them.


  2. I’m in the “walk away” club.