Tangled Web

Deceptions of a transgender guy

Three men in a tub



Our lives revolve around a fat, stubborn bundle of hair that wheeze, snort and snore, loudly. And we love her to bits, from her flat, skin-folded muzzle to the piggy tail.

Every couple of months, Pooch needs to be bathed. After trying the do-it-yourself way at home, we realized that it was not the ideal situation. Besides being heavy, she ran around like a possessed dog afterwards, trying out the I-wanna-be-dry-in-an-instant way, shaking a shower of water all over us and then rolling on the nearest surface – cement, soil, grass or carpets.  So we decided to let her go to the parlour, which in our case is the vet’s surgery, where she receives from a facial, mani- and pedicure to a reverse-facial (skin folds treated, nails cut and anal glands expelled.) If you have a Pug child, this becomes part of your lifestyle. The excursion takes a whole day, as they let her dry in the sun. Her mom, B, being anxious by nature, is even more hyped-up on such a day, as it involves lots of travelling and of course, too much time away from her apron strings (metaphorically speaking, she would not be caught dead in an apron!) And of course it is traumatic for Remi, who is super-glued to mom’s ankles whenever she is at home, which is most of the time.

Mobile doggie parlourSo when madam found a flyer advertising a mobile dog grooming parlour, she was elated. A visit was booked early in the year, so Pooch could enter 2016 in style.

The funky purple and green minivan arrived on time and they hooked up the hose pipe and plugged in the power cord to an electrical outlet. I handed over a bedraggled-looking Remi.

wet pooch

When I get out of here, I am going to wreck havoc!

The guy who took over my precious bundle, was gentle and skilled and soon Pooch was in the basin, being scrubbed, shampooed and dipped from muzzle to tail. She took all this manhandling in silence, but probably cursing us to the nether regions of Lucifer’s reign.

She was gently dried with towels (our own) by an assistant and then blow-dried, something she had never experienced before, but which she endured with only a few soft, whimpering curses.

In the meantime, a neighbour had come over to have a look and Remi had to suffer the added insult of being gaped at and discussed, while I of course took photos for the family album, adding insult to, well, wet dog.

Pooch being blow-dryed

This is not funny, guys, not funny at all.

Afterwards she was gently returned to me, ignoring me totally, but running to mom’s heels as soon as she could, all forgiven.

Now she will have a regular visit by the mobile parlour scheduled. Indignity does not last long against feeling like a Top Dog.

Note:  Pugs originated in China, dating back to the Han dynasty (B.C. 206 to A.D. 200). Some historians believe they are related to the Tibetan Mastiff. They were prized by the Emperors of China and lived in luxurious accommodations, sometimes even being guarded by soldiers. Figures. They are precious.
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Author: Kris

Hi! I'm Kris. I live in South Africa with my life partner of 27+ years, whom I call B or Madam in my posts. We have a Pug dog child, Remi, also known as Pooch, who has graced and enriched our lives for the past 12 years.

10 thoughts on “Rub-a-dub-dub…

  1. We are currently enjoying our animal companion-less state … (having Coco the Community cat visit is such a treat. It’s like being grandparents, all the fun and none of the arguments!:D ) … nor do we miss these kinds of adventures, but we know that sooner or later another orphan will find its way to our door and we’ll be in love again. 🙂


  2. I love the idea of the mobile beauty bar! Here at the homestead I do the bi-monthly schedule of dog grooming in the double kitchen sink myself! It’s always comical, and I have video taped it even a few times. Nola is more like your Pug, looking like I have insulted her intelligence with the bath. Lulu on the other hand, is a virtual handFULL when it comes to the lathering up! She will wiggle and jiggle until it’s all over and the blow dryer is finally turned OFF. But in the end they both love to be squeaky clean and to be running around like crazy dogs afterwards. I wish there were a mobile dog groomer in my area! I’d definitely pay to have it done! Great that I found your new site! Blog on!!! ~MB


    • Welcome here, MB and thanks for following me across. Well, the mobile dog parlour is a venture for an entrepreneur – are you not up to it? 😀 Have you loaded one of the bathing sessions on YouTube? I’d love to see it! Take care!


  3. Our dogs actually like being bathed. Sometimes they sneak into the shower just to stand in the water for a bit. Shampoo is also ok, but apparently unnecessary to rinse of. The running around like they’re on fire is mandatory!

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  4. Gracie, being black, does not show the dirt, but she still gets bathed. About twice a year I take her to be groomed and neatened up (her tail hair grows and gets in the way when she squats to pee). Once in a while I’ll give her a bath, which she hates, and she does her spiderman imitation trying to keep me from carrying her into the bathroom. We have to take the bath together or she jumps right out of the tub. The joys of dog ownership.

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    • 😀 Love the ‘spiderman imitation’! Remi’s belly hangs so low because of its size and her short legs, that we need to wipe her clean when she pees on hard surfaces. Sorry, too much information! Yes, dogs put you through many a hoop you would not normally have even known about! Woof Woof to Gracie!