Tangled Web

Deceptions of a transgender guy

City skyline at night

Looking for America


“I don’t know how to be a girl. And I sure don’t know how to be a boy. And after thirty-seven years of trying to be male and over eight years of trying to be female, I’ve come to the conclusion that neither is really worth all the trouble. And it made me think. A lot of people think it is worth the trouble. And that made me think. Why? Why do people think it’s worth all that trouble to be a man? Why do people think it’s worth all that trouble to be a woman? … I want to say tell me! Tell me what it’s like!” ~ Gender Outlaw by Kate Bornstein (1994 edition).

I guess a person familiar with only a gender binary system, would not hesitate to answer Kate, “It is not something I think about or have to think about. I just am.” 99.9999% of the people in my world fall into this category. Transgender is a foreign construct. I accept that. I live and will have to live with that. I have made that choice.

Simon and Garfunkel accompanied me through my teens. They should be willing to do so into my twilight years as I keep looking for America. Like so many other lost souls. May those who have died for their gender quest, rest in peace.

“Kathy, I’m lost,” I said,
Though I know she was sleeping.
“I’m empty and aching and
I don’t know why.”

… They’ve all come
To look for America.

~America © 1968 Words and Music by Paul Simon



Author: Kris

Hi! I'm Kris. I live in South Africa with my life partner of 27+ years, whom I call B or Madam in my posts. We have a Pug dog child, Remi, also known as Pooch, who has graced and enriched our lives for the past 12 years.

4 thoughts on “Looking for America

  1. I’m glad to see you’re reading Kate’s book and getting some valuable stuff from it. I should re-read it because I struggled with it the first time and I’m definitely evolved some since then. Beautiful tribute!


    • I was lucky to get hold of the book on interlibrary loan. I’m battling to get any gender related books at all without having to order any (I don’t use a credit card). I don’t agree with everything she wrote, but it was a delightful read. Take care, Shawn.