You’ve probably heard that we humans share 98.8% of our genes with some chimps and that we share 50% of our DNA with a banana. Well, I must confess, I’ve used my 50% banana brain to make a decision.
Actually, it’s more of a case of I’ve used the 60% of my brain that I share with a Fruit Fly. Sort of a no-brain decision.
When I started this blog, it was just before my appointment to see a surgeon for my breasts-to-chest operation and I needed an outlet for my cropped up emotions badly. My partner has emotional issues herself, being major depressive and have acute anxiety on top of that, so she is already overburdened emotionally (with cupboards full of childhood trauma baggage). I could not expect her to carry some of my load as well. She was hugely supportive of me going for the op and that meant the world to me already. My decision not to broadcast my transitioning as well, put me in a position where I could not discuss the whirlpool of emotions inside me. It’s a lonely road. Hence this blog.
This blog has given and is giving me a forum (if only for myself) to vent a lot of my uncertainties, fears, hopes and dreams. And reading about other trans people’s journeys and shared emotions, made the road so much smoother.
So where does the banana/fruit fly-decision come in? That came when I decided not to tell B about my blog. Yeah, I confess, I have sinned. No, I’m not Catholic and I do not regret the decision (yet). I probably will not tell her anytime soon either (maybe a death-bed confession? – nah!). She knows I read many blogs of like-minded and like-bodied people and I share a lot of posts from these blogs with her to help her understand what I am going through as well – because, let’s face it, it’s not a case of having had top surgery and it is over and done with. It’s not an end to the road, the journey continues. Hell, the road might even have forked.
I don’t feel good about hiding my blog from B, but I know the decision was the right one. I hope. Sigh. I keep on deceiving and weaving my tangled web.
How about you? Does your significant other read your blog?