Tangled Web

Deceptions of a transgender guy

Sky is falling

The sky is falling

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The sky is falling! ~ Chicken Little

As I sit here typing, I have a lump the size of a medium meteor in my throat. I have just returned from a visit to B. She had been admitted to a mental health care facility, having crashed after a depressive downward spiral. She had been diagnosed years ago with major depression and general anxiety disorder (GAD). She also is obsessive compulsive to some extent. And the zombie I had visited, shows little resemblance to the person I know and love. The psychiatrist had changed her medication. Again. For the umpteenth time.

Chicken Little

Chicken Little, “The end is near!”

 

Like with Chicken Little or Henny Penny, to people with GAD the sky is always falling. When you live with them, you find out what a scary place the world is to them. Most of her sentences start with, “I am scared… ” It does not help telling her almost all herĀ fears will never realize. To her they are real.

 

 

My mother would have said, “If the sky falls, we’d all be wearing big blue floppy hats.

Hat with chicken legs

“I’m claustrophobic!”

 

I know B’s reaction to this would be, “A big floppy hat makes me feel claustrophobic.”

Caregivers of people with depression, anxiety and a plethora of other mental, emotional and physical disorders, will know what I refer to when I say my tank is running on empty. The Black Dog is shadowing me as well and nipping at my heels.

But when I feel a paw scratching at my leg, begging me to settle down and allow her to nestle between my legs, I know the pooch and I will get through this. We’ll comfort each other.

The sky is not falling.

Pooch sleeping

We’ll get through it, the Pooch and I.

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Author: Kris

Hi! I'm Kris. I live in South Africa with my life partner of 27+ years, whom I call B or Madam in my posts. We have a Pug dog child, Remi, also known as Pooch, who has graced and enriched our lives for the past 12 years.

10 thoughts on “The sky is falling

  1. I’m really sorry to hear this. I’m mentally ill but am a caretaker, more or less, for someone who is also mentally ill. I know how draining it can be. Be well, and don’t forget the self care. You have my best wishes.

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  2. Sorry to hear this. I don’t know why starting T or having top surgery (or in my case exploring top surgery) tends to send our partners into these downward spirals. I may be wrong in implying that this has anything to do with your surgery – but there seems to be some correlation about the shift in focus on us and having taking care of us (or our changing) – that sends partners over the deep end. Thank god for dogs.

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    • Thanks, Jamie. She has been very supportive and denies that my surgery has anything to do with her slump, but admits to it having been ‘traumatic.’ If only partners were programmed in a language we could understand or had a definitive manual… The pooch is finding it especially difficult, she keeps looking out for her, searches through the house for her. This hurts me more than my own pain and loneliness. Yes, thank God for dogs.

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  3. I just started attending Recovery Iinc. groups. It may not seem like much but those who suffer from anxiety, depression, etc. just going is a big step. Hang in there and take care of yourself. Cheers.

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  4. My attacks have calmed over the years because I used immersion therapy, subjecting myself to my triggers, in order to get on top of them. It’s like using homeopathy, using small exposures to build up your immunity to toxins, but increasing my exposure to triggers to lessen the attacks, or at least recover faster. Some of my triggers include newborns infants when they cry, stickers, and really frilly things (my ex forced to dress me in hyper feminine clothing as a form of ex-gay therapy). Immersion therapy is highly controversial, but it also has a very high success rate in helping people. It does not work for everyone tho! I just did it because I HATE drugs, because too often the side effects were not worth it.

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    • I’m happy for you that your attacks have calmed down, Charlie. She has full blown panic attacks, when she can barely breathe, but the meds keep them down. I hate that she takes them, but without them she would not have an almost regular life. I use ‘almost,’ as her whole childhood had been irregular. Take care of yourself.

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  5. Hang in the re Kris. snuggle with the pup, breath and nurture!!

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