Tangled Web

Deceptions of a transgender guy

Bring me my purse

Women’s purses

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The Bermuda Triangle does not have a patch on the deep, dark, fathomless mysteries of a woman’s purse. I should actually alert the Department of Defense to a new type of covert weapon in B’s purse (or handbag as we call it in South Africa). She can slug a mugger into the stratosphere with it.

I actually do not know for sure what she keeps in it. When she asks me to get something from her purse for her, I just take the whole thing to her. No ways am I putting my hand into those depths. Who knows what lurks in there? I would not want to, as Shakespeare put it, have to “pluck this crawling serpent from my breast!” Uh-uh, no thank you!

What I have observed emerging from its innards, includes her diary – an A5 page-a-day book that she has to carry with her everywhere as she is a list-maker. To-do lists, to-buy lists, to-what-to-buy-for-aunt-Mathilda’s-bithday-in-four-year’s-time lists. No, she cannot carry single pieces of paper, they get lost. And she needs her contacts lists with her at all times. Yes, she does have them on her phone, but she is still lurking BC (before computers) most of the time. Besides, her diary does not have a battery that needs to be charged, does not break when it falls… you get the picture.

Then there is her wallet. This contains amongst others, cash, credit and loyalty cards, till slips, business cards (of those contacts not in the diary), driver’s licencse, ID book (we still have a book in South Africa), photos of the pooch… Let’s just say it is a very pregnant wallet that looks to be going into labor any second now.

The phone also goes in there. And her keys – car and house (about 10 different doors and gates). Then she has a first aid kit for those everyday eventualities – like snake bite, killer bee sting and attack by a hungry lion – we live in Africa, after all.

Also on the list: hand cream, breath mints, perfume, instant hand sanitizer, tissues, memory sticks, manicure set, pens, lip balm, spectacles, coins for tips, dental floss (with toothpaste and tooth brush the times she has to visit the dentist)… She does not wear makeup, otherwise there probably would have been a lotion for the top eyelids, one for the bottom, etc., etc.

Pooch almost in the bag

Pooch almost in the bag

These are just some reported sightings. There might be an alien space craft for all I know. I don’t intend to find out. I’m just wondering when she’s gonna pack the 13 kg pooch…

Me, I just need my phone, keys and wallet. My jeans have enough pockets.

What about you butches and trans men out there? What does your woman carry in her purse?

I see there is actually a Flickr group for what people carry around in their purses. Geez…

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Author: Kris

Hi! I'm Kris. I live in South Africa with my life partner of 27+ years, whom I call B or Madam in my posts. We have a Pug dog child, Remi, also known as Pooch, who has graced and enriched our lives for the past 12 years.

9 thoughts on “Women’s purses

  1. When I started driving cab I realized how ridiculous it was to carry a purse. With the exception of a book in case business was slow, if it wouldn’t fit in my pocket, I didn’t need it. Looking back, I’m damned if I know what I had in there. These days when I really need to carry stuff (notebook, pens, book, nail clippers–you know, the necessities) I use a backpack.

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  2. In our early days I used to get quizzed about where she kept certain things so that she could ask me to get something for her while she was driving. I think that was more fun for her than me but it did help. She just keeps the “normal” stuff in there…wallet, lip stick, kleenex, etc. I carry a bag to work that i got from LLBean. It’s actually a dark green diaper bag lol but is a good small size for my lunch and misc. items I need during the day but it is most definitely NOT a purse. In fact, she called it my purse one time and I corrected her so she said that maybe she would call it my diaper bag next time. Funny girl! Normally I just use my pockets.

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  3. When my pockets start to overflow (wallet, keys, phone, doggy-pick-up bag, dog treats, etc.) I reach for my daypack (it is a black cordura/black leather bottom suitable for a stylish guy pack). I hate having anything in my hands, so if there is any threat of rain, I throw a small umbrella in.
    Donna is no dummy, she packs a very small shoulder bag, and then tries to give me everything that won’t fit in it- the old “are you going to take your pack?” This often includes a pack of tissues, vitamins, lip balm, sunscreen…. I empty my pack as soon as get home so it doesn’t morph into one of those purses.

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  4. It’s so nice to follow another south african’s blog! My partner also has all sorts in her handbag- I’m scared to look inside. I might find a monster in there ha ha! I have a handbag too but mine is literally just for my wallet and keys.

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