Tangled Web

Deceptions of a transgender guy

Two weeks post top surgery


I went back to work yesterday and as luck or the devil (one and the same?) would have it, our management team had to visit some branches to welcome new staff members. Besides driving my car for the first time after the op, it was an abnormal day (a normal one being sitting on my bum behind a computer or in a meeting for the whole working day). So with all the movement, I experienced some real pain for the first time. Not a gnawing-on-a-door kind of pain, but definitely more that the regular pins and needles feeling I’ve been feeling. Nobody has mentioned my lack of padding in the chest department, so either they have not noticed (I am daily struck anew with how self-absorbed people are), they will speculate with colleagues, or they just couldn’t care. Whichever way suits me fine.

I do not know if I am imagining it, but since the op, I am much more aware of hot or cold liquids and food that I swallow. By aware I mean the path from my throat to my stomach. It is a new sensation to me and I am wondering if them udders had absorbed or masked this feeling before. It leaves me with a strange feeling of… vulnerability?

Regrets? In the words of Edith Piaf, Non, je ne regrette rien, – No, I don’t regret anything. I do it my way.

Tribute to Edith Piaf

(Image: La vie en Melrose by Paul Stumpr, a Creative Commons Attribution ShareAlike photo from Numberstumper’s Flickr stream)


Author: Kris

Hi! I'm Kris. I live in South Africa with my life partner of 27+ years, whom I call B or Madam in my posts. We have a Pug dog child, Remi, also known as Pooch, who has graced and enriched our lives for the past 12 years.

4 thoughts on “Two weeks post top surgery

  1. Widder, I appreciate your comment about doing some work connecting psychic space. aura. heart chakra… to the new physicality. The first thing I noticed out of surgery was this 6 or so inches of space outside my chest that was no longer occupied by me. Energetically realigning my electro magnetic and psychic space was paramount. Krisalex enjoy the experience if you do take Widder up on it!!


  2. ‘them udders’ Love it! … when we lose a piece of our physical body, voluntarily or otherwise, we’re going to miss it’s physical presence. I mean ‘miss’ in the context of paying attention to it, separate from our feelings about it. I don’t know what spiritual tradition you follow, but here’s a thought, and if I’m telling you how to suck eggses ignore me from here on in 🙂 … it might be useful to do some work on connecting your psychic space/aura/heart chakra/whatever you believe, to your new physicallity. email me if you want to explore this s’mores 😀