Tangled Web

Deceptions of a transgender guy

Monument to September eleven

My own 9/11

On September 9, 2010, my whole world imploded. I could no longer stand the deception, continue weaving the Tangled Web. I could not live as myself, so I no longer wanted to live.

I wrote a poem in my mother tongue, Afrikaans, about what I did that evening. I post it here with the translation first.

Special devil

“Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me” ~ Queen

Nine September Twenty Ten
was an ordinary day

until darkness fisted its fingers
and turned my heart into a cold, icy room

a safe
a bang
and a bullet
and it changed into a wounded day


Spesiale duiwel

“Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me” ~ Queen

Nege September Twintig Tien
was ‘n gewone dag
tot die donker sy vingers toegevou
en my hart ‘n koelkamer met kil ys geword het

‘n kluis
‘n knal
en ‘n koeël
het dit in ‘n gewonde dag verander

I lived to tell my tale. I was referred to a clinical psychologist, whom I nicked-named Haan. He acted as my tour guide on the journey back to myself, a journey in which I did not travel alone, but was travelled with my Internal Family. And Kris, a male and my dominant part, stepped to the fore as leader. This blog is part of the documenting of the journey away from the Tangled Web – breaking out of the chrysalis I have woven around myself against pain as I embark on my explorations.

We shall not cease from exploration
and the end of all our exploring
will be to arrive where we started
and know the place for the first time

~ T. S. Eliot


Author: Kris

Hi! I'm Kris. I live in South Africa with my life partner of 27+ years, whom I call B or Madam in my posts. We have a Pug dog child, Remi, also known as Pooch, who has graced and enriched our lives for the past 12 years.

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