Exactly a month from today, I have an appointment with a plastic surgeon to discuss top surgery, I have my shrink Haan’s support, as well as that of my partner, B and my BFF. At 56 I have decided on only top surgery to bring my body at least somewhat in alignment with my mind and being. At this later stage in my life I will be content to live without bottom surgery and hormones. I have been living as a male in my mind for so long now, the external manifestation would be to the world only. Why then top surgery? I guess that breasts to me are the most visible objects of the shame I had endured though the years. By getting rid of them, I would be casting off the shame and be able to live more at peace with my strongest internal family member, Kris. The Internal Family System is a topic for another post. Penis envy? Yes, of course!
But for now, it is time for reflection on the past.